There are certain seasons of leadership that leave a mark on your soul. For me, one of the hardest was navigating the confusing, draining presence of a leader who appeared confident and driven—but left a trail of fear, confusion, and broken trust. It took me a long time to realize that what I was dealing with wasn’t just strong leadership or a “type A” personality. It was narcissism.
And I’m not alone.
Narcissism, at its core, is a pattern of self-centered thinking and behavior marked by an inflated sense of importance, a deep need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. While it can show up in different degrees, narcissistic leadership often prioritizes image over integrity, control over collaboration, and personal gain over genuine care. It’s not just pride—it’s a way of relating to the world that distorts influence into manipulation.
Narcissistic leadership is a real and growing concern—both in the Church and beyond. The term gets thrown around easily today, but when we look at it through the combined lens of psychology, neuroscience, and Scripture, we begin to see just how dangerous this pattern can be. More importantly, we see how Christ invites us to lead differently.
Understanding Narcissistic Traits Through a Neuroscience and Psychology Lens
In psychology, narcissism is more than arrogance or selfishness. It’s a pattern of behavior and thought marked by:
- An inflated sense of self-importance
- A deep need for admiration
- A lack of empathy
- Manipulative or controlling behaviors
Narcissistic traits exist on a spectrum, and not every difficult leader is a narcissist. But when these traits persist and harm others, it’s worth paying attention.
What neuroscience tells us:
- The narcissistic brain is often dominated by an overactive reward system (particularly involving dopamine), which fuels a constant craving for status, admiration, and achievement. This makes performance, image, and validation central to their leadership drive.
- There is often underactivation in the areas of the brain responsible for empathy and social cognition—especially the medial prefrontal cortex and temporoparietal junction. This impairs their ability to genuinely connect, attune to others, or sense emotional needs, which can leave teams feeling unseen or dismissed.
- Narcissistic leaders tend to rely heavily on defense mechanisms, like gaslighting, blame-shifting, denial, or reframing criticism as persecution. These behaviors protect their fragile sense of identity, making accountability nearly impossible and relationships deeply unstable.
- They also often exhibit context blindness—a neurological rigidity that prevents them from adapting their tone, behavior, or decision-making to fit the emotional or relational context around them. This results in poor timing, inappropriate emotional responses, and an inability to “read the room,” often followed by blaming others for any tension or disconnect.
Context Blindness vs. Context Awareness
Unhealthy Leadership Example:
A staff member shares during a meeting that they’re feeling emotionally stretched after a personal loss. Instead of acknowledging the weight of the moment, the leader immediately shifts focus, saying, “We all have stuff going on—just make sure the event gets done.”While it may seem like “staying on task,” this is a clear example of context blindness. The leader failed to recognize the emotional atmosphere and bypassed the need for empathy. Over time, this kind of response conditions teams to hide their needs and operate in fear or burnout.
Healthy Leadership Example:
In the same scenario, a context-aware leader pauses the meeting, offers sincere empathy, and says something like, “I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. Let’s figure out a way to support you this week. The project matters, but you matter more.”This kind of response activates trust and emotional safety in the brain. It tells the team that the leader values people over performance—and invites them into a culture of mutual care and healthy productivity.
Narcissism in Scripture: What the Bible Reveals About Ego and Control
The Bible gives us a powerful framework for understanding this kind of leadership—not through clinical labels, but through spiritual patterns.
Think of King Saul—insecure, paranoid, power-hungry. He started with God’s anointing but could not tolerate others (like David) receiving praise. His fear of losing control drove him to manipulative, abusive behavior (1 Samuel 18–19).
Or Herod, who craved recognition so much that when people called him a god, he basked in it—and was struck down (Acts 12:21–23).
Jesus also warned about false teachers and self-serving leaders in the early Church:
“They love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others…” (Matthew 23:6–7)
“They are shepherds who feed only themselves.” (Jude 1:12)
What sets these leaders apart? A heart posture of pride, control, and self-glorification—opposite to the humility of Christ.
But Jesus modeled something radically different:
- Servant leadership
- Empathy and truth-telling
- Sacrificial love, not image control
He didn’t use people to gain influence. He laid down His life to lift others up.
How to Respond: Cultivating Discernment, Boundaries, and Emotional Safety
So how do we respond when we suspect we’re under (or around) narcissistic leadership?
1. Recognize the signs.
Pay attention to recurring emotional confusion, shifting goalposts, manipulation masked as “vision,” or fear-based motivation. Narcissistic leaders often leave people feeling small, unsure, and constantly needing to prove themselves.
2. Set boundaries.
The healthiest response is not always confrontation—it’s clarity. Know your values. Know your limits. It’s okay to say “no.” It’s okay to walk away from unhealthy spaces.
3. Guard your mind and heart.
Narcissistic leadership can chip away at your confidence, sense of calling, and spiritual discernment. Stay anchored in Scripture, community, and prayer. Don’t let someone’s dysfunction distort your design.
4. Commit to healthy leadership yourself.
We are all capable of pride, control, and self-centeredness. Let the warning signs in others lead you to pursue deeper healing in your own leadership.
As I’ve prayed through these seasons, I’ve come back again and again to Philippians 2:
“In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus… who made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant.” (Philippians 2:5–7)
This is what leadership is meant to be. Founded and rooted in servanthood to one another.
Narcissistic leadership thrives in silence and spiritual confusion. But Jesus-centered leadership thrives in truth, wisdom, and the renewal of the mind.
As Christian leaders, we’re not called to lead from ego—but from empathy. Not from control—but from calling. Not from insecurity—but from the Spirit’s empowerment.
When we understand narcissistic leadership through both psychology and Scripture, we not only protect ourselves and others—we also become more committed to leading in the way of Christ.
Let’s be leaders who build safe spaces, not fear-based platforms.
Let’s lead with clarity, not manipulation.
And let’s use our influence to lift others, not to prop up ourselves.
Self-Reflection
- Have I experienced the emotional confusion or spiritual damage of narcissistic leadership? What truth do I need to remember today?
- Are there any narcissistic tendencies in my own leadership (like control, pride, or fear of being wrong) that God is inviting me to surrender?
- What does it mean for me to lead more like Jesus—with empathy, clarity, and servant-hearted humility?
Sources and References
- American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed.).
- Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts.
- Cloud, H., & Townsend, J. (1992). Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No.
- Kets de Vries, M. F. R. (2006). The Leader on the Couch: A Clinical Approach to Changing People and Organizations.
- The Holy Bible, various verses (NIV/ESV)
- Willard, D. (2002). Renovation of the Heart: Putting on the Character of Christ.
A Girl & Her God 